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Here Are 5 Secrets You Should Never Keep From Your Spouse

As Christians, none of us would argue that the healthiest of marriages are those filled with honesty, authenticity, and transparency. When it comes to the important aspects of life, we would certainly all agree that there is no room in marriage for lies and deceit.

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But many times the greatest enemy of honesty is not necessarily “dishonesty” ,but rather, a lack of communication. When it comes to day-to-day life in marriage, many people struggle to find the words, or more common yet, to find the time to commit to good communication and dialogue.

Yet in order to maintain an intimate relationship, making time to talk and be real with one another is crucial, because communication is the lifeline of a relationship. Even in the busier seasons of life, there are certain things that must ALWAYS make the cut when it comes to genuinely sharing your heart with one another.

Past Secrets: If you’ve been married for quite some time, yet find yourself still holding on to secrets from your past, I recommend you start here. As a professional counselor, I urge the couples I work with in pre-marital counseling to work through the “skeletons in their closet” long before they say I do. Sexual history, drugs/alcohol history, abuse history, family history, are all the kind of things you need to come to terms with in your own life, and then share them with your partner. Your past doesn’t define you, but it definitely shapes you, and you owe it to your partner to give them a glimpse of the things that have made you who you are today – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Sexual Secrets: Whether you have a habitual problem with sexual struggles, or whether it’s a once-in-awhile thing, the worst thing you can do for your marriage is keep it a secret. Because in the secret is where struggles become strongholds. The devil is a liar, and longs for you to stay quiet about your struggles with masturbation, adultery, pornography, lust, and sexual sins because it is in the silence that you will continue to struggle. I know people who have struggled with sexual sin for years upon years under the hopes that they could eventually get it “under control.” But healing can only happen when we bring our struggles into the light. If you’re married and find yourself struggling with an aspect of sexual sin, talk to your spouse, and then tell a trusted mentor, a counselor, and seasoned friend who can all work to support and love you through the nitty-gritty that comes with healing and freedom.

Financial Secrets: Do you have a habit of spending, and then hiding? Hiding receipts, bills, or even hiding purchases from your spouse? When it comes to finances in marriage, everything should always be out on the table. Financial dishonesty is one of the most common “secrets” in marriage, and causes stress that has been linked to a higher level of dissatisfaction in marriage as well as divorce. The bottom line is that marriage isn’t about my finances, or your finances, it’s about OUR finances. Learning to become “one” in all things means that there is no room for financial secrets. If finances have led to frequent arguments and conflict in your relationship, it’s time to take inventory of your spending habits as a couple, by inviting a professional counselor as well as a financial advisor into your situation so you can take back control and create an atmosphere of transparency in your marriage.

Health-Related Secrets: I’ve interacted with couples who tend to keep their health issues to themselves. Usually, it comes from a place of good intention, in that they are trying to “save” their spouse from the stress of worrying about their health. But the beauty of marriage is that it gives us the opportunity to love and support one another through times of sickness and times of health. As difficult as it is to potentially walk through illness or health-related problems, those times of difficulty offer an opportunity for intimate connection, companionship, and support from one spouse to another. Whether or not it’s important to you personally, be honest and upfront about your medical issues and concerns, and allow your spouse the opportunity to walk by your side.

Relationship Secrets: Even couples who have no problem being honest in the above categories, can sometimes find themselves struggling to share their true heart and feelings about their relationship. When it comes to your marriage, what are your relational needs and are they being met? Are you able to open up about your sexual desires, your emotional needs, and your goals and dreams? Can you share your opinions and ideas without the fear of feeling rejected or criticised? Can you talk about what you want, and on the flip side, listen to the things that your partner is longing for you to work on in the relationship?

No matter what your reasoning for avoiding communication about certain topics with your spouse, remember that even well-intentioned secrets are secrets that will eventually wreak havoc on your marriage. Dishonesty, or even simply a lack of communication will impact intimacy and connection with your partner. It’s never too late to start putting the time, effort, and courage it takes to be transparent with your spouse.

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Dj Krowbar’s Wife : Six Things Marriage Has Taught Me

Joy Karosh who is the wife to the award-winning Disc Jockey , Dj Krowbar, shares on her experience in marriage . Having been in a marriage of over  5 years with her loving husband she has really stood by him through thick and thin.
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Joy Karosh and her husband Dj Krowbar Photo : Courtesy Joy Karosh Facebook
Not many marriages last for 5 years and that is why Joy took time to share on some few marriage tips that might help people who might be struggling with their marriage.
These are six things you should learn about marriage as indicated by Joy:
1.If God is in it, no matter what season we are in, it’s gonna workout.
2. I should not work so hard to change my husband, I should leave that to God.
3.The more I get closer to God the more I am able to love my husband.

4.As a wise woman, I should speak life over my husband and my family.

5.In the moment of disagreement, I always need to remind myself, we are not enemies, we are playing for the same team.

6. As I pursue my purpose, money should never become my motivation, it is just a tool.
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“Our Marriage Is Where It Is Today Because Of GOD” Dj Krowbar’s Wife Shares

Dj Krowbar and his wife Joy are among the most celebrated couple in the country right now. Theirs is a love that words alone can not entirely describe. For this reason, they have found a way to warm many of their followers hearts, with most only hoping that they will one day relate to the amazing connection between Dj Krowbar and his wife.

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Dj Krowbar and His Wife Joy

Joy, via her Instagram feed recently shared,

” A few years ago when my hubby and I decided to get married, we literally had nothing but each other. It has been a journey of faith all the way. We have gone through all life seasons but looking back we can testify of God’s faithfulness, favor and supernatural provisions.We have grown to love each other more, support and pray for one another. Our marriage is where it is today because of what God has allowed us to go through. Though we are not yet where He is taking us, we fully trust His will as we continue with the journey. Above all God never fails and He honors His word.”

She goes on to testify that marriage works and she is loving every season of the journey.

She again reminds her hubby that she loves him to bits and is forever grateful that she shares this journey with him.

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Dj Krowbar and Family

DjKrowbar  has been married to Joy for years now and they are blessed with two daughter,  Riri and Toria. Their relationship is a clear reminder that the institution of marriage is a sacred one and despite the many challenges surrounding it, theirs is a testimony that marriage works if God is put at the center of everything.

A visit to their Instagram pages is a clear indicator that indeed Dj Krowbar and Joy aka Karosh value each other and their family as a whole.

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7 Things You Need To Know About Your Wife


Over the years, through counseling training and actual counseling—and learning from my wife—I’ve observed some things. And I’ve realized some men simply don’t know them—or don’t realize how important they are to their wife.

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Here are 7 things you may not know but you need to know about your wife:

1.You step on her feelings more than you know.

You just do. And you don’t even mean to—or know that you are most of the time. She may think you do, but you don’t. You’re just not as aware of how she’s wired emotionally. And most of the time she overlooks it. She knows it wasn’t intentional. But it hurts. And the more you do it the more it hurts. So, be careful with your words.

And that leads to the next one.

2. Your words are heavier than you think they are.

You need to know that. When she asks you how she looks, for example—yes, it is a quandary on how to respond, and there are plenty of jokes around about that dilemma—but your response matters. Probably more than any other response of her day. It’s a small question to you but big question for her. And you communicate things to her continually through how you say what you say and the body language you combine with your words. And they weigh a ton to her. A ton.

3. She wants you to take the lead.

At least occasionally. I know all the women’s rights issues cloud this for you. It can be confusing, but there’s likely something in your wife just waiting for you to make a decision. She values your input, and she wants you to lead in the home as well as she sees that you can lead elsewhere. And speaking on behalf of men, I know you don’t always want to be the leader. She’s better at making many of the decisions than you are. Still, she’s waiting—hoping, that you’ll step up where you need to lead.

4. She doesn’t want to be like her mother.

Or to be compared to her mother. And these type jokes aren’t funny. Ever. Trust me. In fact, she doesn’t want to be like any other woman either. She wants to be seen for the unique wonder she is—which, by the way, was God-designed.

5. She is likely with you even when she’s not.

At least in her mind. Our wives are very relational. So, if she asks about your calendar, now you know. She’s not trying to be difficult or suspicious. She’s trying to be with the one she loves.

6. It’s okay just to hold her hand.

And, also, to occasionally be romantic. You may have established a long time ago that you’re not the romantic type. She may realize she married funny—or serious—or dedicated—more than romantic. But every woman needs a little romance occasionally. It makes her feel special—especially when it comes from you.

7.The way her world looks is often how her heart feels.

All her world. The house, for example, you think it doesn’t matter, but to her it reflects her—not you. She’s also conscious of what others think of her appearance. She carries this burden heavier than she wants to sometimes. Don’t diminish this to her. Understand it.


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7 Things You Need To Know About Your Husband

Husbands are an important pillar in marriage despite having weaknesses there are other outstanding aspects about them that you probably did not know about.

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Here are seven things we found out that you need to know:

1. His ego is more fragile than you imagined.

I know, you’re probably tired of hearing about the male ego. I get it. But it hasn’t gone away, and, frankly, the world isn’t too kind on our ego. We see the jokes on every sitcom and commercial about how inadequate we are at times. But there’s not a man with a soul that’s alive that doesn’t want to be admired by the woman in his life. Not one.

2. He is very visual.

Very. More than you are probably thinking. You see his eyes roam. That’s a natural reaction for him. Now, he has responsibility over his eyes—not the girl who attracted them—but if there’s a pretty girl around, he probably saw her long before you did. And he likely battles staring more than you will ever understand.

3. He doesn’t want you to be his mother.

You can say “ouch!” if you need to, but men want a wife, not a mom. I hear this from men frequently—especially young men. If you’re a mom they want you to be a great mom—just not theirs. I know we need mothering sometimes. All of us do. We may even act like big babies at times. But mothering a husband never works. Ever. Be our partner. Our best friend. Not our mother.

4. When you correct him you hurt him.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t need correcting. He might. But the way you do this is huge. Your respect for him is huge for him. His greatest emotional need. That could be in how he fixes the bed—or the fact that he doesn’t—or for things far worse. If he senses you are talking down to him—not respecting him—he may comply with your wishes in actions (or not), but inside his heart will be growing colder towards you.

5. He loves you uniquely.

He probably won’t love you all the ways you expect him to love. And, frankly, he won’t be all the love you need him to be. He may not always feel love as an emotion as strongly as you do. Your heart is capable of much more than he can fill completely. There will be times—hopefully even seasons when he does—but no man will meet every need of your heart. (Other than the man Jesus.)

6.What he does really is who he is many times.

It’s his identity. If it’s golf, his career, fishing, antique cars or his extensive comic book collection—that’s a part of him. When you miss that or don’t value it, he may feel like less of a man.

7. He probably thinks you’re more wonderful than you think he does.

And he has a strong desire to protect you because of it. He sees all you are capable of doing. He wonders how you keep up with everyone and everything as you do. He may even envy that about you. He respects you—probably more than he knows how to communicate to you.

keep it Uliza Links as we will unveil 7 things you need to know about your wife.

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Marriage Is Bigger Than You: 5 Reasons Why You Should Stick To Your Marriage

I’m not going to lie and pretend that marriage is an easy road, because it’s not.But nothing worthwhile comes “easy.” I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor, specializing in marriage and relationships, I always tell my marriage and pre-marriage couples that at some point, we ALL WANT OUT. Because we’re human, and there’s no one human being on earth that will give us everything we need. Marriage is work- but working on your marriage is the best work you will ever do.

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Here’s why:

1. Because marriage isn’t just about making us happier- it’s about making us better.

When we go into marriage with the idea that it is meant for our happiness, we will be disappointed every…single….time. There is no human being on earth that has the capability to bring that kind of joy into our lives, because they weren’t made to have that role in our lives.

Real marriage is not about being happy and fulfilled for the rest of our lives, it’s about becoming the best that we can be from this day forward. Only through the un-replicated commitment and intimacy of marriage do we have the opportunity for lifelong growth, maturity, selflessness, forgiveness, and grace as we learn to unconditionally love another flawed human being; seeing their realness, and loving them anyway.

But harder yet, we learn to receive that kind of love for ourselves. There is no greater love than one that’s unconditional. And no matter what our family background or story, I am thankful that Jesus models that kind of love for us every single day.

At the end of the day, marriage is not about ME…it’s about WE. It’s about learning to choose another person over ourselves- because by choosing them, we are choosing to become greater in humility, strength, forgiveness, and love. Marriage isn’t just about becoming happier- it’s about becoming better. But ironically, in becoming better, we often find that we’ve also become happier.

2. Because marriage is synonymous with commitment, and commitment is a choice.

Tim Keller says that “real love, the Bible says, instinctively desires permanence.” There is so much truth to that statement because deep down we are all made for life-long love. We have a deep desire to be known, and to be loved, for life. But when we simply follow our feelings into marriage, we can also follow our feelings right out of marriage. Just as quickly as you fall in love, you can fall out of love. Because feelings come, and feelings go, and those who build the foundation of their marriage on how they feel will certainly find their marriage crumbling. I choose to handle marriage because I know that my feelings are fickle, but my faith is not. My emotions may fail me, but my choices are always up to me. I choose to love, to trust, to forgive, and to remain. Because it’s far too easy to follow our hearts, but it takes courage to lead our hearts.

3. Because marriage forces us to take ownership of our choices.

In marriage, I am forced to come face to face with my stuff- from my past baggage, to the decision of the person I chose to marry, to my responses, reactions, attitudes and behaviors toward my spouse. Oftentimes in life we make choices but fail to take responsibility. But in marriage, there is another human being rubbing up against me at all times silently reminding me of those choices just by their presence in my life, and at times, that can cause friction. But that very same friction is what files down my rough edges, forcing me to take responsibility for my life. My choices no longer simply impact me, they impact my husband, and my children. Too many times in life we don’t want to take ownership of our stuff. It’s easy to dodge responsibility when there’s no one to call us out. We want a free pass and we blame everything on the other person. But marriage forces me to see that there are always two people involved, and we each have to take responsibility. I am 100 times better than the person I was when we got married, because I have been sharpened and refined by the discipline of learning to take responsibility.

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4. Because marriage, done right, brings the greatest blessings known to man.

Oftentimes, we struggle so much committing to relationships because we haven’t ever taken the time to commit to ourselves. We get so caught up in trying to find the right one- that we LOSE ourselves and our God-given identity in the process. We’re plagued with confusion, doubt and guilt. And worst of all, we’re driven by fear: fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, and fear of being alone.  And because of this, we end up in relationships that were never good for us to begin with. But understanding the kind of person who fits into our story, requires us to first understand our story.

Marriage can be done right, but it first requires us to answer some hard questions: Who are we, and where are we going? Where did we come from, and what parts of our lives are in need of healing? We go into relationships with so much baggage and pain to begin with, hoping that our pain will dissolve in the arms of another. But relationships can’t heal our wounds. Only we can, with God’s help. Knowing ourselves is the first step in knowing what we need in a relationship. Relationships CAN be done right, but it requires us to look in, to look out, and to look up. It requires us to see the bigger picture of who are, in order to have an idea of where we’re going…and who might be able to come along.

When we go into marriage with these truths in mind, we get to experience the joys of marriage along the way. We’re not there to simply RECEIVE from our spouse, but in fact, we’re freed to GIVE to our spouse. When we go into marriage with full hearts, we get to experience the ecstasy of REAL love. There is no greater joy than giving and receiving love out of our overflow, rather than out of our scarcity. There is no greater joy than being loved for who I am, not simply what I am bringing to the table. I choose marriage because even the hope of that kind of love is worth it every….single….day.

5. Because my marriage is so much bigger than you.

As a woman of faith, I realize that my marriage is not just about me. It’s so much bigger than me, and so much bigger than my husband. In marriage, you have the opportunity to learn so much about life, love, and God. There is a reason that God uses the analogy of marriage to describe his love for his people. It’s because in marriage we get a glimpse of a love that’s far bigger than us. Our deep love for one another reflects a universal need for love, for commitment, and for something and Someone greater than ourselves. Through marital love, we get a tiny glimpse of the great and unconditional love of God. Not only so, but my marriage is bigger than me because it impacts the world around me. There are many lives that are impacted by this one commitment between two people, most significantly the lives of our two precious children. At this stage of their lives, our marriage is the ONLY definition they get to see of love. Not only do we owe it to ourselves to live a life worthy of love, but we owe it to them. We owe it to them because how we reflect the giving and receiving of love, will impact generations to come.

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is sacred. And marriage is totally worth it. For this reason, no matter what obstacles come my way, I choose to handle marriage, and if at all possible- so should you.

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Top Four Phrases Every Man Should Tell His Wife , No Questions Asked

These are the top four phrases a husband can say to his wife to put action behind the words, “I love you.”

1. “I thought about you today.” 

Your spouse wants to know that even in the middle of a stressful day at the office, during a business lunch, or on your way to meet with a client, she crossed your mind.

Letting your wife know you’re thinking about her is an easy way to communicate that she’s cherished. Not to mention the fact that, when it comes to Holly, the schoolboy part of me likes when she’s in the middle of my world.

2. “Let me watch the kids tonight. You deserve a break.” 

In two short sentences, you accomplish two big things. You give your wife valuable and much-needed time to herself. And you show her you respect what she does for your family.

Moms have a tough job—whether they work in the home or outside of the home.

Giving your wife some time alone will allow her to re-energize. Often, this puts Holly in a new space mentally and she comes home an even better mom and wife all because I put a little action behind my appreciation.

3. “Can I pray for you about that?”


We’ve all heard that our wives want a listener, not a fixer. But beyond this, I also believe our wives want a leader.

If your wife is overwhelmed by something, listen to her. Then, when she‘s done talking it through ask if you can pray for her. You might be shocked by the level of respect, trust and love that blossoms out of her heart for you. Don’t be shy. Step in and lead your wife in this area. You may feel awkward and hesitant at first, but trust me, she won’t care. And you’ll get better at it with time.

4. “I’m turning off my phone and computer for the night.” 

Woah. This one will blow your wife away.

This kind of focus is almost unheard of, but it’s a must in today’s world. Try to do this one night a week. Drop the distractions and make your family the main attraction. Watch how this small sacrifice will change your marriage.

It seems like, in marriage, the small things are the big things. Being intentional in the small things makes a path for big love. Small steps of loyalty and concern lead to lifelong commitment. Sweat the small stuff. It really does matter.


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11 Important Questions To Ask Before Getting Married

It’s now more common for marriages to fail than it is for them to last a lifetime. But you can still get married with the confidence that you’ll enjoy the healthy, holymarriage God wants you to have if you invest time before getting married into asking wise questions. Making time to consider key questions will help you and your future spouse head in the right direction: one that leads toward God’s purposes for both of you.

Here are some crucial questions to ask before you get married:

Are you willing to grow up? Your own maturity level, and that of your spouse, will determine how well you all can work together in marriage and how likely you all will be to stick with your relationship or give up on it. So each of you needs to honestly assess your current spiritual, emotional, social, and financial maturity by reflecting on issues such as how much self-control you each have, how much you respect authority, how much you can say “no” to some activities so you can say “yes” to those that are best for you, how much peace versus drama you have in your relationships with others, how often you keep your promises and follow through on commitments, whether or not you have a job that pays your bills, and whether or not you’re in debt.

Are you “equally yoked”? It’s never God’s will for you to be yoked (tied together) in marriage with someone who’s not a Christian, because a person who’s not connected to Jesus can’t head in the same direction as you can. Don’t deceive yourself into thinking that you can pull an unbelieving spouse closer to Jesus; what happens instead in marriages between believers and unbelievers is that the unbelieving spouse pulls the believing spouse further away from Jesus. Realize that you can fall in love with anyone you happen to be attracted to, but that doesn’t mean that you should marry them.

Have you talked about money? Disclose all of your financial information to the person you’re considering marrying, and expect full disclosure from him or her, too. Talk about how each of you plans to earn, spend, save, give, and invest money if you get married, and why. If you discover that one or both of you doesn’t currently have a healthy budget or healthy money management attitudes or habits, get help and make changes before getting married to save yourselves from having to go through tremendous stress afterward.

Will you tell the truth? You and your future spouse must tell each other the whole truth about the romantic relationships that you’ve each had with other people previously, regardless of how wild or mild they were. Share all of the details with each other honestly, listen to each carefully, and give each other mercy as God does if you have each sought His forgiveness for your sins and repented of any unhealthy behaviors.

Will you commit? Marriage as God designed it requires a lifetime commitment. So you and the person you’re considering marrying should face your fears about that and discuss issues such as how you plan to handle disagreements and crises that may come up in your future marriage, such as illness and job loss. Determine whether or not both of you are willing to trade the lives you have now for a new life together, and whether or not you’re willing to eliminate the option of divorce and keep turning to God for the strength to keep working on your marriage.

Are you compatible? Realize that just because you love someone doesn’t mean that person is a good match for you. Honestly evaluate which personality traits and personal habits you can live with for many decades in a future marriage, and which will drive your marriage apart. Let go of any person who isn’t truly compatible with you to save you both years of heartache.

Have you communicated your expectations? Discuss each of your expectations about married life, such as where you’d live, where you’d go to church, when you’d start trying to have children and how many children you want, and what types of careers and work hours you each hope to have. Since surprising each other after you’re married will cause lots of stress, it’s much better to talk about your expectations beforehand and see if you can reach agreements before committing to married life together.

Are you ready to marry an entire family? Get to know each other’s familybackgrounds well, since each of you will carry over the attitudes and behaviors that you learned growing up into the new family that you create together. Pursue healing for issues that concern either of you (such as anger management problems or addictions) and end the dating relationship if you discover character problems (such as a lack of integrity) that the person you’re considering marrying isn’t willing to address.

Are you willing to submit? Each of you must be willing to submit to Jesus in obedience in your life together, to express honor and respect for Him. That means mutually following Jesus’ example of loving service to others. Never try to control each other, but instead choose to serve each other even when doing so is difficult, just as Jesus served others when He was on Earth. Through this process in your future marriage, God will help each of you become more like Jesus.

Will you give respect? You each must also be willing to respect each other – even when you don’t think that the other deserves that respect – because God has made you both and highly values you. By choosing to respect your future spouse when he or she doesn’t deserve it, you can motivate your spouse to change and begin acting in ways that are worthy of respect.

Are you ready to love? Realize that love is an action, not just a feeling. Are you prepared to act in love toward your future spouse, even at times when you don’t like his or her behavior? Some of the ways you’ll need to show your love include listening, protecting, providing, and serving each other, no matter what.

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7 Useful Keys To Unlock Communication In Your Marriage

Communication is absolutely vital to human existence, and God desires for us to communicate with each other in a way that will solve problems, build relationships, and bring glory to Him.

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What are the basic purposes of communication? Why is it so powerful and important? One of the most significant purposes of communication is to solve problems and build relationships. In marriage, communication is the single greatest factor in working through problems. If you’re not dealing with problems right now, communication is the single greatest factor in building and strengthening your marriage relationship.

I once talked with a woman who told me that she and her husband were getting a divorce. “We have never really talked,” she said. She then made a statement that has echoed through my mind over the years. She said, “You know, Pastor Davis, since we decided to get a divorce, we have finally started talking. We have talked more in the last week than in all the years of our marriage. If only we could have talked like this for the last few years, I don’t think we would be getting a divorce at all!” I strongly suspect that she was right. Communication not only builds relationships, but it helps solve problems in those relationships.

There is so much frustration in homes and families because of failure to adequately communicate. I’ve had young people say to me, “My parents won’t talk to me.” Parents, it isn’t our impression of how much we are communicating with our children that matters; their impression is what counts. It’s a wise father and mother who don’t rely on just spanking, grounding, or grabbing car keys, but who know how to grab a child’s emotions in a heart-to-heart conversation.

One of the greatest family crises that can develop is communication shutdown. All other crises inevitably erupt from it. Once communication has shut down, it is often painful and difficult to get it started again. And when it does start up, it will often begin with conflict that causes people to run away instead of staying with it. Any time there is a problem, the solution is not less communication; the solution is morecommunication. The problem will not work out if you just walk away.

It has been said that communication is to a relationship what blood is to the body. As the blood flows through the body, carrying out impurities and bringing fresh cells and life, so communication regularly carries out the impurities of a relationship and causes the whole relationship to be fresh and new and alive.

Since it is so vitally important to families, how can we make sure that we are communicating effectively? I’d like to share several practical steps.

Discover, Learn About, and Show Interest in the Interests of Your Spouse and Your Children

This principle is found in Romans 15:1-2. It says we “ought . . . not to please ourselves . . . Let every one of us please his neighbor . . . to edification.” Find the interest of your spouse and get interested in it. Maybe it’s gardening or sewing, the stock market or computers. Perhaps it’s hiking, biking, fishing, hunting, carpentry, cooking, quilting, singing, or playing an instrument. There are hundreds—even thousands—of possibilities.

You may have heard this statement before, but let me share it with you right here:You’ve got to be interested if you’re going to be interesting. In other words, if you want to be interesting to someone, you’ve got to take interest in the other’s interests. Look for it. Discover it; learn about it. By doing so, you create an area where two people can connect and begin opening doors for communication.

Listen with Your Entire Being

Isaiah 55:2-3 says, “Hearken diligently unto me . . . Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live.” That word hearken, the Hebrew word shama, means “to listen intelligently, to pay attention.” This is distinct from the simple act of hearing; it means listening on purpose. The phrase incline your ear is the Hebrew wordnata. It means to stretch or bend. It implies that you are doing something to cause yourself to yield. When we listen, we need to do it on purpose, intelligently, with our entire being.

In a previous article, I mentioned a study on the total message in communication. The researchers found that words make up only 7% of the total message. Inflection and tone of voice make up 38%, and body language and facial expressions make up 55%. If you’re not really paying attention when your spouse or child is talking to you—if you’re hearing their words but not looking at them and really listening—you will only get a small percentage of the total message. It’s vital that we give our full attention to our spouses and children when they are talking to us.

Watch for Opportunities to Praise, Honor, and Reverence Your Spouse, Parents, and Children

Twice in the Psalms, we’re told that praise is “comely.” Putdowns are ugly. A young man should never put down his sisters. Why? Because he’s training himself to do the same thing to his wife someday. Some young men use putdowns because they appeal to their carnal natures, to their egos and sense of importance. In a distorted way, it makes them feel like a big man. But if you really want to be a big man, be humble and praise others. Putdowns are ugly, but appropriate praise is beautiful, proper, and fitting.

I shared with a young lady how important it was that she honor her father so that she would know how to reverence her husband. Why is that so important? Because I have never seen a woman able to steal away a man whose wife was reverencing him. I’ve seen it tried and have watched it fail, because the reverence of a wife creates a powerful connection of communication that draws him to her and protects him from other women with wrong motives and wrong attitudes.

Plan Times and Settings Just to Communicate

Purposely set time aside just for communication. Have a date night with your wife just to talk. Men, we may not feel like we need this, but the truth is we need it more than we think we do. Deliberate communication brings balance to our lives. And your wife needs it because it gives her a feeling of intimacy, closeness, and oneness with you.

Husbands, when you cut off that communication or do not allow your wife to share her feelings, you’re doing more than simply not listening to her. You are cutting her off as a person. You are starting a dangerous and destructive process, causing her to feel more and more like an object, instead of like the most important person in your life.

Parents should also make times to communicate with their children. The older your children get, the more important this becomes. Too often, as children enter the teen years, communication between parent and child diminishes. It should be the opposite.

Plan times and settings just for communication. Too many families don’t sit down and have meals together, or if they do eat together, they’re watching TV while they do. Make an effort to have family meals as often as you can. It’s one of the best opportunities you’ll have to communicate.

Watch For — and Accept — God-Given Opportunities

As parents, it’s easy to feel too busy to take time out of the day to communicate with our children. But we need to realize that God sends opportunities that we need to take advantage of. I walked into the house one day, and one of my daughters came up to me and said, “Dad, would you like to see the dress I just bought?” Now, looking at clothes isn’t exactly my favorite thing to do. But listening to my daughters is. I took the time to listen to how she had found the dress and the good buy she had gotten. We weren’t discussing anything of earth-shattering importance, but it was a good opportunity to talk and build our relationship. Too often parents tell their children that they’re “too busy right now” or are too self-absorbed to notice the everyday opportunities for communication that God sends their way.

Now, there’s a balance here that we need to achieve, especially with younger children. Children should know that they can’t come barging in at any time and expect their parents to drop whatever they’re doing and give the children their full attention. They need to be trained to be respectful, polite, and considerate. At the same time, parents need to recognize the difference between a child being rude or disrespectful and needing training or correction, and a child simply needing the parent to pause and communicate.

Ask Questions

Go through the Gospels and notice that Jesus, the greatest communicator who ever lived, not only taught and answered questions, but asked questions. We need to ask questions of our children. “How are you doing today? Have you been praying like you should? Did you read your Bible today, son? How do you feel about such and such? Do you know that Dad loves you?”

I could give dozens of questions to ask your children, ranging from simple questions about everyday life to those that touch on the foundational issues of who we are and what we believe. “Why is it important to put things away? Why should we pay bills on time? What did the sermon you heard at church say to you?” Questions open doors for communication, and they not only help us learn more about each other, but cause us to think through important issues.

Learn to Draw Emotional Word Pictures

This is especially important if you’re having difficulty communicating with a certain person. The goal of drawing emotional word pictures is to communicate in such a way that you reach not only the person’s mind, but the heart as well. This works with both men and women, but especially with men. You want to grab his heart in such a way that he can’t get away from it. A profound example of this concept is found in the Bible in 2 Samuel 12.

In the previous chapter, we read about the biggest failure in the life of King David—his adultery with Bathsheba. In an attempt to cover up what he had done, David arranged for Bathsheba’s husband to be killed in battle.

In chapter 12, God sent Nathan to David. Nathan was something of a spiritual adviser to David, and in this chapter, he comes to reprove David for what he has done. He begins by telling a story that contains a compelling emotional word picture.

There were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor. The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds: but the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb which he had bought and nourished up, and it grew up together with him, and with his children.

Notice that every word here is building the emotional impact. Nathan continued with the story:  “It did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter.” David, who had spent his youth as a shepherd caring for sheep, could closely identify with the poor man and his love for that lamb.

And there came a traveller unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him; but took the poor man’s lamb, and dressed it for the man that was come to him.

We see the emotional impact this story had on David in the next verse: “And David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man; and he said to Nathan, As the Lord liveth, the man that hath done this thing shall surely die.” Nathan’s reply to David, as a follow-up to the powerful emotional word picture he had just drawn, brought the point home in a way that nothing else could have done: “Thou art the man.”

The key in drawing an emotional word picture is to find a person’s interest, if possible something close to his heart, and then draw a parallel between that and whatever situation you’re dealing with. The power of Nathan’s words came from the fact that David could so closely identify with the poor man in the story. He knew what it was to care for lambs. He had put his own life on the line to protect and defend his sheep. The terrible cruelty of the rich man, who wasn’t content to draw from his own immense resources but instead chose to steal and kill the poor man’s lamb, came to life for David in a  powerful way. When Nathan drew the comparison between David and the rich man, David finally realized the full weight of his sin.

If you’re having trouble communicating with someone in a critical area, especially if you’re trying to work through some problem or difficulty, try to find an interest and create an emotional word picture around that interest. Anything this person is able to closely identify with is good material. It might be a hobby, career, childhood memory, or accomplishment. Find a parallel between the interest and the current situation, and create an emotional word picture that will grab the other’s heart and help him or her understand your perspective on the issue at hand.


Communication is truly the foundation of relationships, and our ability to communicate is one of the single most significant factors that will determine the strength of our families. By remaining aware of our opportunities for communication and implementing some basic principles, we can strengthen our families and experience the joy of truly fulfilling relationships.



Link News 4 Widget 1

5 Surprising Ways You May be Destroying Your Marriage

How does a once good marriage slip away?

Here are 5 ways a once good marriage slips away—or falls apart:

Other interests come between them.

It could be a relationship—even other good relationships—or a hobby, or work, but something gets a higher priority than the marriage. Distractions will destroy a good marriage.

Unresolved conflict.

Conflict left unattended sometimes sits like it never existed. But, oh, it did. And it does. Someone is holding on to it. Trust me. And the longer it sits, the deeper the wedge it causes.

relationship issues

The couple stops dreaming together.

When a couple is dating they have lots of dreams together. They discuss their future. They dream about where they will live and travel. They dream about family and adventure. It’s an energy that fuels the relationship. When it stops. The fuel it brought stops.


This is one of the leading causes of marriages unraveling. Couples quit dating—quit laughing—quit having fun together. They get caught in the routines and busyness of life. Boredom sets in and the closeness they once shared begins to drift. The enemy love this, and suddenly one or both spouses seek excitement elsewhere. Dangerous.

Living separate agendas.

It’s okay to have separate identities. Even encouraged. It’s okay to have separate interests. It keeps things interesting. But it’s not okay to have separate agendas. The agenda should be two very different people blending those differences into one. When that’s not happening, the strength of the marriage will slowly—or quickly—fade.

I’m praying for your marriage—as I continue to pray for mine. Stand firm.


Link News 5 Widget 3

After 70 Years In Marriage 107-Year-Old Man Weds 95-Year-Old Woman And Thanks GOD For His Faithfulness

The people of Plateau state Nigeria will not forget quickly the marriage ceremony between 107-year-old elder Dikam Garba Dabo’ok and his 95-year-old wife, Mrs Ka’a Nafung.

107 year old

The couple, who have been living together for 70 years, found a new sparkle to rekindle their marital love in the church, and the ceremony has remained the talk of the town.

The happy couple in their marriage vows promised to love each other until death do them part and also vowed not to allow a third party into their marital life. After the church service, they posed for photographs, and from there they went to the reception venue where they cut their wedding cake, fed each other and danced, to the admiration of all present.

While in church the groom now 107 years old narrated his life story to the congregation . He said:

I had seven wives and 32 children during my younger days, but I did so because I did not know Christ. But that made me great among my contemporaries as only those who were wealthy could do that. But in spite of that, God remained faithful and merciful for me. I have a lot of testimonies to show that God was so faithful to me. I am now in a better position to advise my children and my well wishers to live the life of Christ. I don’t want any of my children to emulate my past life style, because you may fall out of the grace and mercies of God. But I’m so pleased because my children are committed to Christ; they lived the life of Christ, they were the ones that insisted I must come to Christ and take their mother to the altar.

“Before now we lived our lives outside Christ, but from today, we are now confirmed children of Christ. It would have been worse for us if we had died without Christ. But God has protected our lives up till this moment to come to Him.”

Kenya Gospel News News

Men And Women Who Propose To Marry And Fail To Fulfill The Promise “Will” Be Sued??

Theirs A New Marriage Bill yet to be passed that has the potential of  entitling the accuser a compensation if the party who proposed marriage failed to fulfill the promise.

Marriage-proposal 1

I feel this will be a great turn to those who propose marriage to another without fulfilling the promise through breaking up the engagement.

The only issue here is how will the accuser submit the burden of proof and what if the accused was put in that position un willingly. These are some questions which will surely create a lot of reactions from those who find themselves in such positions.

The Marriage Bill, which is set for formal introduction in the National Assembly Tuesday afternoon, seeks to consolidate the seven current laws on the institution.

It also rerecognizes polygamy, the payment of bride price for customary marriages and also provides for the various grounds on which a couple can seek divorce.

It regulates Christian, civil, customary and Hindu marriages, which were previously under separate laws.

The Bill says in Section 74 that even though a promise by a person to marry another person is not legally binding, the partners who feel they have suffered as a result of a broken promise can seek compensation.

The interesting part is also men who secretly marry additional wives could also be in trouble as the Bill states that before a man is allowed to take another wife, the current wife or wives will be required to give their approval.

The notification of that marriage to the Director of Marriages is required to indicate whether the current wife or wives have been informed, whether they approve or disapprove and their reasons for approving or disapproving the marriage.

Will wait and see how this turns out…


Will He Propose? 8 Things Ladies Need To Know Before They Get Married?

Are you in a relationship  that you  hope or plan to get married? well  here are 8 things simple steps that you should know before you get married.

black man dating 1

1. That You Love Him Just As He Is (Because He’s Not Going to Change)

What irritates you about your guy now will really grate on you after you’re married. He’s a total slob? A night owl when you’re an early bird? Don’t kid yourself into thinking he’ll change once you’re hitched — that’s a blueprint for disappointment, says. Assume that any negative qualities you’re seeing will remain negative, and be realistic about what you’re willing to live with. So decide what’s a dealbreaker and what’s not before your boyfriend becomes your husband.

2. Whether You Really Love Him — Or the Idea of Getting Married
You don’t want to marry Mr. I-Suppose-He’s-Right just because you’re caught up in bridal excitement, or because it seems like the logical next step or because everyone you know is tying the knot. To be sure it’s the guy you want, and not just the Mrs. title,  ask  yourself these questions: Can you imagine any other man in your wedding/honeymoon/married life plans? Would you still want to marry your guy if it was just the two of you at the courthouse? Think carefully about your answers before taking the next step.

3. Whether You Both Want Children

Some couples want six kids — others can’t even imagine having one. What ultimately matters though, is that you both know in your gut how you feel about the “having kids” question. Sit down with your fiancé and have a true heart-to-heart: Discuss where you see yourself in 5 or 10 years and if kids are part of that vision. If you’re not on the same page, one of you will have to compromise in a big way, which may be very stressful (or even a dealbreaker).

4.How to Do Home Improvements

No, you don’t need to know how to install your own solar water heater, but you should own a toolbox stocked with the basics (hammer, screwdriver, wrench, pliers, power drill, assorted screws and nails) and know how to hang a picture, change out a door knob and assemble your own Ikea desk. “Fixing things around the house yourself can be incredibly empowering, especially if your husband isn’t handy or never seems to get around to doing it himself. Even if you marry Mr. Fix It, knowing your own way around a tool box means you won’t need to keep nagging him when you just want it done.

5. How to Cook Something From Scratch

Being able to feed yourself (or someone else) is an important life skill, so it is good to learn how to do more than dump Ragu over spaghetti. Home-cooked meals will give you a sense of accomplishment, save you money — and probably keep you healthier, too.

6. Whether You Want To Keep Or Change Your Name

Not every woman is keen on giving up a name that reflects her personal and professional identity, heritage and family history. And these days, there are lots of ways to play the name game: Keep the one you’ve got. Take a hyphenated name. Combine your names into one new one. There’s no “right” answer, you just need to know what feels right to you — and talk to your guy about what’s important to him.

7.Where You Want To Be in 5, 10, 15 Years

While you don’t need to have your whole life planned out, it’s important to know what matters most to you — whether it’s wanting to make partner at your law firm, running a marathon or hoping to have two kids, two years apart. Having a roadmap can help ensure that you don’t get so wrapped up in your husband’s goals and dreams that you forget your own. “When we don’t focus on ourselves, we become unhappy and then the marriage becomes unhappy.

8. Why His Previous Relationships Didn’t Work Out

How does your guy talk about his exes? Pay attention (as much as you’d rather not!) because it can offer insight into your own relationship. Was he overly possessive? Consumed by work? Unfaithful? These may not be dealbreakers if he’s learned and grown from his experiences. If he takes responsibility for something he did — even if it’s just for making a bad choice.




Ways On How To Put GOD As The Center Of Your Relationship/Marriage

We had an awesome conversation talking about “if  a Christian can date a non-believer”.

Some said as long as their is love it doesn’t matter others said we need GOD in a relationship. Anyway that aside its important for a relationship or a MARRIAGE  to have GOD as the Center of the relationship and we are going to look at it. As we know having GOD in a relationship is ultimate happiness as GOD is Love

1 John 4:8 says :

 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

These are just some of the ways, we think can be of help in having a happy dating relationship or a marriage.

1. Pray together.

Pray about your relationship/marriage, pray about your children, pray about your finances, pray about any decisions you make together.

Pray before you make any decision that is if you wish to buy something pray on it before you buy it if its a house a car or a business decision.

Another thing if you are away from each other pray for each other no matter how far the person is pray for them. Every morning pray for your spouse.

Prayer is the key to unlock communications with God (Deuteronomy 5: 1-4)

praying couple

2. Read the Bible/Do Devotions together.

Pick a devotional which you would both enjoy and take turns reading out loud to each other every day or even every night.  Take time each day to talk to each other about what you learned in your personal devotions that day. Be accountable to each other. You will find that it’s easier to do when you know someone is going to be asking you about it and this is a great way to grow together in the Lord.

In a relationship if you cant meet send him/her some daily verses through text and if possible pray a simple pray on phone daily.

3. Put each other first.

What better way to put Christ first in your marriage/relationship then by following his example of being selfless? Sometimes it’s hard to put our spouses first because we want what we want.

But if we love them, then we will want to do the right thing, we will want to think of her/him before ourselves. If we make it a practice to put our spouses first before ourselves each day, I believe that we will have a better relationship because of it.

4. Go to church together And Serve In A Ministry.

Not just going to church together, but agreeing on a church together. Try as much as possible to have a day kept for the Lord that is the Sabbath. To help each other further share what you learnt in the Sermons in the Church.

If possible as much , try to find a ministry which you can serve together be it mission or serving in the Church.

5.Talk about God.

Make an effort to bring God into your conversations. Not only will it help in keeping God on your minds, you will also find out about each others beliefs.

Talking about a spiritual subject changes normal conversation into one of eternal significance. Discussing God also allows you to build up each others knowledge and confidence

6.Be careful with physical affection. (Dating)

Hugs are great. God created physical affection to be good. But be careful in how much physical permission you give one another.

A relationship can easily turn sinful if physical bonding occurs too quickly. Everyone is different. But if you feel guilty at all for actions, it may be good indication that you are going too far.

Avoid physical actions that might cause lustful thoughts (such as sitting on lap, laying on each other or sensual kissing). Save sex for marriage. Talk about your physical actions with each other, making sure you are both comfortable and feeling great. Understand what might be innocent to one or another might very well be dangerous to you.

If you can add anything feel free to drop it below.


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